Make no mistake, the San Francisco 49ers were an abomination last season and we all knew they would be. Hiring Jim Tomsula to replace Jim Harbaugh was a move so dumb I’m surprised the Cleveland Browns didn’t beat the 49ers to it. Tomsula was more likely to have an on-the-field heart attack than successfully coach an NFL game and saddling him with Colin Kaepernick was a recipe for a dumpster fire you could see from space.
So on its face replacing Tomsula with Chip Kelly should be an improvement. That’s not saying much for Kelly as replacing Tomsula with a dog wearing sunglasses would be an improvement. Kelly’s coaching skills at the NFL level are, well, let’s just say they’re in dispute. But at least he can coach something. I wouldn’t hire Tomsula to mop the men’s room at a Denny’s, let alone run an NFL team.
Watch a drunk fan repeatedly tell Colin Kaepernick he can one day be as great as Cam Newton: https://t.co/Xcq0yo2x8B pic.twitter.com/kaHzYkpnh2
— The Source Magazine (@TheSource) June 28, 2016
So Kelly is an upgrade, sure. But what does that even mean? Not much according to the sportsbooks. The 49ers are not favored to win a single game in 2016. They’re underdogs in all but three games and a pick-em against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the New Orleans Saints and the New York Jets. As soon as the Jets get their deal done with quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, expect that one to change too.
To be fair to the 49ers, they aren’t the only team Vegas thinks ill of this offseason. The Detroit Lions aren’t favored to win a game, neither are the Cleveland Browns. But that’s pretty rarefied air to be in, kind of smelling of sulfur and paint thinner and a Waffle House grease trap.
While the 49ers finished 5-11 last year, they were in actuality the second worst team in the league. They just accidentally won a couple of games they shouldn’t have. They had the second worst points differential in the NFL (-149), second, of course, to the Browns (-154).
In honor of Fourth of July, here's the Blaine Gabbert video, "BLAINE IS REAL AMERICAN" – https://t.co/7QcszBdQMG #MIZ
— Benjamin Hochman (@hochman) July 4, 2016
Now there’s no reason to believe the 49ers will go winless this season (or the Browns for that matter). Only one team has had the chutzpah to pull off that feat in the modern free agency era and I don’t think either of these teams have the fortitude to be as bad as the 2008 Detroit Lions. Those men, those coaches and executives on that staff are legends. Their record all but untouchable.
But this 49ers team has moxie. They want to be bad and are doing everything they can to get that 3-13 record in their future. First, they’re quarterback situation is down to a competition between Kaepernick and Blaine Gabbert.
Kaepernick spent most of the offseason trying to work a trade out of town, but every NFL team looked at what they would have to pay him and, presumably, laughed until they needed new pants. He did do something to improve his game in his time off; he got contact lenses. Now you’d think corrected vision might have been a higher priority for Kaepernick before his sixth year in the league, but who needs to see when you’re not going to make your pass reads anyway?
To even get a chance at the starting job Kaepernick is going to have to beat out Gabbert, which used to be the punchline of a joke. No 49er fan is laughing now.
Gabbert took Kaepernick’s job last season and won three whole games. It was the best eight-game stretch of Gabbert’s life. He completed 63.1 percent of his passes (a career high), threw for 2,031 yards and 10 touchdowns with seven picks.
He’s also reportedly beloved by this 49er teammates, something Kaepernick struggles with because he’s kind of a douche. Just looking at the two guys and their playing history, you’d think at least Kaepernick would be more athletic than Gabbert, but Kelly doesn’t think so.
“I think they’re similar,” Kelly told CBS Sports. “They’re both 6-foot-4-plus. They both can really run, which will help keep plays alive. Obviously we’re not a quarterback-run offense, but if the quarterback can run, you can use a little of that to your advantage. And they both have extremely strong arms. So, from a skillset standpoint, the two of them are kind of cut of the same mold.”
It’s funny to see “skillset” used in the same paragraph as Blaine Gabbert and Colin Kaepernick, but that’s the fix the 49ers are in. A fix that’s put 0-16 on the table.
