Sometimes the details can get lost in translation. Trust me, I’m a writer. Nobody knows that better than I do so it’s with great sincerity that I want to apologize to Buffalo Bills running back LeSean McCoy for calling the private females only sex party he attempted to throw Sunday night a “private females only sex party.” That was wrong of me and everybody else who insinuated that the next season of HBO’s True Detective would be set at LeSean McCoy’s house.
Because of that misunderstanding, McCoy announced yesterday via the same Instagram account he professes his love of God and/or bikini-ed ladies to expand the guest list to what I’m not pretty sure was a cancelled party, considering on who he was adding to the invite.
https://instagram.com/p/5n2RHcLXOc/?taken-by=25_mccoy
Frankly, I feel like I saved a 19-year-old Wisconsin girl from waking up hung over, dazed and chained up in windowless room on a pleasure yacht outside of Qatar, so I’m cool with my jokes at McCoy’s expense.
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McCoy’s new invitation raised some new questions and since I wasn’t there, I have no answers for us. The main one is, what kind of DJ is Donald Trump? Since he’s self-involved, skeevy and generally worthless in life, I feel like he fits the perfect DJ mold so I bet he’s not bad. He already has the weird helmet.
Ohio State trying to kill Cardale Jones
He just led the team to a national title and will likely be the the undisputed starting quarterback after Braxton Miller moved to wide receiver, so why is Ohio State trying to give Cardale Jones a heart attack? For laughs, apparently.
Here’s the video of the prank and Jones’ reaction.
Blue Jays deliver the worst triple play in history
We’ve had some great plays and some pitiful plays in major league baseball, but none as bad as the one delivered by baserunners of the Toronto Blue Jays Sunday in their game against the Seattle Mariners. Just watch.
How dumb was that? So dumb it hasn’t happened in major league baseball since 1955. I guarantee you’ve never seen anything like it outside of your nephew’s tee-ball field. These are millionaires for God’s sake. The Mariners won the game 6-5 in 10 innings.
Speaking of extra innings
A minor league game in Augusta Ga. went into extra frames because Elier Leyva failed to touch home plate after hitting a home run for the Delmarva Shorebirds, the Orioles Single-A farm club.
Delmarva's Elier Leyva won the game w a 9th inn HR, but didn't touch home. Jackets won in extras. Highlights tonight. pic.twitter.com/Q9l5xAme7h
— Andrew Schnitker (@A_Schnitker) July 27, 2015
Brandon Marshall already has his excuse worked out
New York Jets wide receiver Brandon Marshall isn’t taking any chances on his next drug test after a recent trip to Jamaica. Marshall was on the island for his sister’s wedding and though he claims he didn’t partake in his panicked tweets, he’s afraid the second-hand pot smoke will get him busted in a drug test.
What ull doing? I'm in Jamaica at my sisters wedding and It smells like Denver over here!!! I better not fell my drug test.
— BEAST (@BMarshall) July 26, 2015
Dear @NFL there's smoke everywhere in Jamaica. I'm a occasional drinker (wine) red to be exact, but I do not smoke. Please help!!!
— BEAST (@BMarshall) July 26, 2015
Marshall has probably successfully covered his bases with these tweets, but it would be smart to steer clear of the Caribbean altogether until he retires.
Antonio Brown isn’t holding out, he’s holding tight
Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown is looking for a new contract with the team, but that doesn’t mean he’s threatening to miss camp or wants to play anywhere else. Brown made his long-term intentions to the team clear when he showed up to training camp in a custom painted Rolls-Royce painted in Steelers colors.
Antonio Brown arriving in style in his black and gold Rolls Royce. pic.twitter.com/OsAZn7SZce
— Ray Fittipaldo (@rayfitt1) July 25, 2015
I think this guy is from the future
How else do you explain it other than time travel. Sunday a guy walked into the Saratoga race track and plopped down a 50 cent bet Saturday. A few hours later he waled out he’d turned that two quarters into $471,124.50 in a bet so spectacular that he’s kept his name out of the story for fear he’ll be burned as a witch.
N.J. gambler cashes out 50 cent bet with $471K http://t.co/SaFSMA5LR5 #NowTrending
— KTNV | Channel 13 News Las Vegas (@KTNV) July 27, 2015
The bet was for Realm (11-1), English Minister (3-1), Site Read (21-1), Hey Bro (24-1) and Saratoga Mischief (6-1) to all win the first five races, which they did. This is all the information you need to know to realize we’re obviously living in that messed up alternate future Old Biff created in Back to the Future II.
