Thursday night’s game pretty much showed everything wrong with the Kansas City Chiefs this year in a single game. They had the talent to beat the Broncos by two touchdowns and if not for dumb turnovers and stupid playcalling, would have. But they didn’t have the killer instinct, as a team, and no one, not even their best player (Jamal Charles) could perform in the clutch.
Contrast that to the Broncos. Everybody, including me, picked against them in that game for the same reason; Peyton Manning isn’t himself and Gary Kubiak’s offensive calls aren’t helping. Well, guess what. We were all right and the Broncos still won. They’re killers and they’re closers and that’s what killers and closers do.
Let me let Alec Baldwin spell it out for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kZg_ALxEz0
And that is why the Chiefs won’t win the AFC West. They won’t make the playoffs and if they do, they’ll squeak in and hit the bricks immediately. Because that’s what losers do. They lose. Coffee and titles are for closers.
As usual, I’m noting my survivor pool suggestions as I go.
The Early Games
Houston at Carolina (-3)
Ryan Mallet gets the nod at starting quarterback for the Texans (0-1), but will it make a difference against the Panthers (1-0). I don’t know, but here’s what I do know. I like the match up the Texans’ defense and the Panthers offense and that’s as big a mismatch as you’ll see this Sunday. The pick: Texans 17, Panthers 14
San Francisco at Pittsburgh (-6.5)
That line shows you that the sportsbooks saw exactly what I saw with the 49ers (1-0) last week. A team just looking for an opportunity to be terrible. The Steelers (0-1) should win this one easily if offensive coordinator Todd Haley can manage not to trip all over his own playcalling. The pick: Steelers 31, 49ers 19
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (-10)
Considering how poorly the Saints (0-1) played last week, that 10 points is a pretty big smack in the face to the Bucs (0-1). A smack they’ve earned like they backtalked to their stepdad. The pick: Saints 38, Bucs 13 (survivor pool pick)
Detroit at Minnesota (-2)
Odd to see the Vikings (0-1) favored in anything after last Monday’s laughably bad performance against the 49ers. The Lions (0-1) didn’t do any better, losing a double-digit lead to the Chargers. This is one of those games that somebody has to win and there’s no pick I’m going to feel good about. The pick: Vikings 17, Lions 16
Arizona at Chicago (+2)
The Bears (0-1) hung with the Packers last week longer than anyone thought possible. Arizona (1-0) comes in after basically running a walk-through against the Saints’ pathetic defense. Chicago’s defense didn’t look horrible against Aaron Rodgers and that should be scarier to Carson Palmer than the time he walked in on Bruce Arians wrestling into his Spanx. The Pick: Bears 27, Cardinals 24
New England at Buffalo (+1)
Hello everyone who has joined me on the Bills’ bandwagon, How are you? Nice to see everyone here right as I’m about to jump off. Buffalo (1-0) has plenty of reasons to be confident heading into this game, but there’s a problem with that. The power of the Dark Side is still very strong with the Patriots (1-0) and I’m not sure Tyrod Taylor and the offense can make enough plays to win this game. The Bills’ fans are going to try to set a new loudness record inside Ralph Wilson Stadium in this game. I hope all that works out for you, but I still have that “one last scare in the monster movie” vibe from this Patriots’ team before they head downhill. The pick: Patriots 20, Bills 19
San Diego at Cincinnati (-3)
This is exactly the kind of game Cincinnati (1-0) wins to solidify its first round playoff loss and exactly the kind of game the Chargers (1-0) lose to make sure they get an 8-8 record. It’s time for San Diego to change that story like Bill Clinton realizing he didn’t erase his browser history. The pick: Chargers 27, Bengals 20
Tennessee at Cleveland (+1.5)
Will Marcus Mariota be perfect again for the Titans (1-0)? Probably not, but if I know the Browns (0-1), they’ll do everything they can to help. The Pick: Titans 34, Browns 16 (survivor pool pick)
Atlanta at New York Giants (-2.5)
The Falcons (1-0) have to still be feeling pretty good after spoiling Chip Kelly’s new Eagles debut last week. On the other side, the Giants (0-1) have a taste in their mouth worse than Jenna Jameson pulling a double shift at work. The pick: Giants 34, Falcons 30
St. Louis at Washington (+3)
The annual meet up between the Redskins (0-1) and the players the Redskins could have had comes early this season. The Rams (1-0) come in hot after an overtime win over the defending NFC Champion Seahawks. The Redskins come in as the Redskins, so that’s automatically bad news. Good news on the horizon, though. I heard Kirk Cousins is about to sign a promotional deal with Blimpie’s. The pick: Rams 38, Redskins 10 (survivor pool pick)
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Late Games
Miami at Jacksonville (+6)
Man, the NFL programming folks really want us to watch that Cowboys – Eagles game, don’t they? The Dolphins (1-0) drew the Browns and the Jaguars (0-1) the first two weeks of the season. How do you manage that? The Pick: Dolphins 20, Jaguars 13 (survivor pool pick)
Baltimore at Oakland (+6.5)
Man, did the Ravens (0-1) need to see the Raiders (0-1) this week. After blowing last week’s game with a stupid pick six, Baltimore can rest easy knowing that there’ll be no danger of a good defense showing up in Oakland. The pick: Ravens 27, Raiders 10
Dallas at Philadelphia (-5)
I’ve seen this Sam Bradford before. Once you’re behind, he gets on fire and performs fantastic down to the final minutes of the game where he does just good enough for you to lose. Meanwhile Tony Romo just got his marshal’s badge. I’m not going against him. The pick: Cowboys 31, Eagles 30
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Sunday Night
Seattle at Green Bay (-3.5)
Here’s the crazy thing about picking games. If the Seahawks won last week, I’d have no problem picking against them this week. None. Now, let me be clear, I’m still picking against them. I just don’t feel good about it. Aaron Rodgers has had two chances to do something against this team and blew it in the fourth quarter both times. This is his year. It’s time to right some wrongs. The pick: Packers 38, Seahawks 27
Monday Night
New York Jets at Indianapolis (-7)
These Jets are better, but they aren’t the Bills. The Colts are still the Colts from last season and that’s not especially a good thing, since they didn’t make any significant upgrade to their team. I don’t believe Andre Luck is starting out 0-2 and neither does anyone else. The pick: Colts 27, Jets 19
This week:
Straight up: 0-1
Against the Spread: 0-1
Last week:
Straight up: 8-8
Against the Spread: 11-5
Survivor pool picks: 4-0
