If you’re wondering what’s happened to Josh Scobee, the recently-acquired kicker of the Pittsburgh Steelers who, after a 12-year career seems to have forgotten how to use his foot, I’ll let you in on it. The answer is nothing. Nothing has happened to Josh Scobee.
Sure, he was a reliable kicker for the Jacksonville Jaguars for 11 seasons, but you see, that’s his problems. He never had any pressure kicks. The Jaguars have been terrible his entire career and all he had to do to be their best scoring weapon is complete about 22 kicks a year. And if he missed some along the way, who cares? Rarely was the game on the line and, if it was, it was against another horrible team or a good team having a particularly horrible day.
There were no big kicks in Scobee’s career. No signature wins. He played for the Jaguars and drew a good game check for more than a decade. Everything was alright.
Getting traded to a contender was the worst thing that could have happened to Scobee. Now every kick mattered. Every kick came with pressure and every screw-up would be magnified, not only in the game it occurred, but down the line as the Steelers fought for a playoff spot. Josh Scobee has never been in this position before. He has no idea what to do. Can you blame him?
Frankly, I expected to wake up Friday morning and see Scobee’s name on the cut list, but it didn’t happen. The Steelers are sticking with him, at least for the next few days as they struggle to figure out what to do with a kicker who can only kick for crummy teams.
Early Games (and I do mean early)
New York Jets vs Miami (+1.5) in London at 9:30 a.m. EST
Man, you hate for all the fans in Miami to miss seeing their favorite team this Sunday, the Jets. The Dolphins would be considered the east cost version of the 49ers, except they at least have a quarterback that can complete a pass. Jets 27, Dolphins 13
Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-9.5)
It’s a little early to jump off the Blake Bortles bandwagon, Jaguars. I saw a lot of negative stories this week about a guy getting ready to start his 20th NFL game. Let’s wait until you’re forced to bench him for a former Browns’ quarterback before we run him out of town. I like you in this game, Colts, but I don’t trust you with a Survivor Pool pick. Let that sting a little. Colts 31, Jaguars 24
New York Giants at Buffalo (-5)
The Bills come in a solid favorite in this game, but Eli Manning is dialed in and Reuben Randle has finally decided to play football, giving Manning another passing target outside Odell Beckham Jr. But, OBJ is still there and as good as the Bills are on defense, they don’t have a man over there that can cover him. Giants 20, Bills 17
Carolina at Tampa Bay (+3)
Cam Newton crashed a sick kid’s early Halloween party this week and brought a truckload of ice cream with him. Cam wasn’t asked or invited, just heard that the kid, who lives in North Carolina, was a big Auburn fan. The Panthers ain’t losing this week. Panthers 38, Bucs 13 (survivor pool pick)
Philadelphia at Washington (+3)
The enigmatic Eagles against the inadequate Redskins. Before the season this didn’t look like a good game because we all knew the Redskins would be terrible. Now it looks even worse, because the Eagles might not be much better. Eagles 27, Redskins 20
Oakland at Chicago (+3)
Is Jay Cutler going to play? Does it matter? The Bears have already started the rebuilding fire sale, shipping players off in trades and stockpiling draft picks for next season. Meanwhile the Raiders are 2-1, which has to be their first winning record of any kind since Obama took office. Raiders 20, Bears 13
Houston at Atlanta (-6.5)
This Atlanta team is looking awfully super. They kind of give off a 1999 Rams vibe and that should scare everybody in the NFL. The Texans will be a real test, but the Falcons already have the cheat shit in Julio Jones. Falcons 27, Texans 16
Kansas City at Cincinnati (-4)
Last week the Bengals put the first coffin nail in the Ravens postseason plans. This week they can slam the lid on the Cheifs’ playoff hopes for good. These are the kind of games the Bengals would blow in the recent past, even last year. Winning them means this team may be ready to take the next step. Maybe you don’t want to boo Andy Dalton any more, Cincy folks. Bengals 34, Chiefs 27
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Late Games
Cleveland at San Diego (-7)
If the Chargers are going to do anything this season, they have to put a pretty terrible September behind them and start stacking up wins. Luckily for them, Josh McCown and the Cleveland Browns are here to help. Chargers 27, Browns 19
Green Bay at San Francisco (+8)
This week at a press conference when asked a question about quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s lost confidence, 49ers head coach Jim Tomsula farted.
https://vine.co/v/eQUmTxqFzl0
I couldn’t agree more. Packers 38, 49ers 10 (survivor pool pick)
St. Louis at Arizona (-7)
The Rams have made a habit of playing up to good teams under Fisher, but unfortunately just like last week’s 12-6 loss to the Steelers, they’ve had a habit of losing too. Cardinals 20, Rams 17
Minnesota at Denver (-7)
Peyton Manning and the Broncos are making an improbible weak-armed limp to the playoffs. The Vikings made up their minds on playing NFL football over the last couple of weeks and strung some wins together, but not against a defense like Denver’s. Tedd Bridgewater is the future of the NFL, but right now the past still has one more season in it. Broncos 23, Vikings 17
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Sunday Night
Dallas at New Orleans (-3)
My God. When does the flex scheduling start? Brandon Weedon is going to get blamed a lot for the losing streak the Cowboys have coming, but, come on. Did you expect anything else to happen? My favorite quote of the week that didn’t come from Jim Tomsula’s ass was from Sean Payton who said about Drew Brees, “I think he’s planning on starting and we’re planning on starting him.” Sorry Brandon. Saints 34, Cowboys 27 (survivor pool pick)
Monday Night
Detroit at Seattle (-9.5)
Here’s another game that probably looked good on paper back in March when the TV schedule was being put together that now looks a lot more like the Harlem Globetrotters against the Washington Generals. Maybe Russell Wilson will stuff the ball up his jersey and pretend he’s pregnant while running for a touchdown. You know. Make it fun. Seahawks 41, Lions 20 (survivor pool pick)
This week
Straight up: 1-0
Against the spread: 1-0
Last week
Straight up: 12-4
Against the spread: 11-5
Survivor pool picks: 5-0
Overall
Straight up: 25-23
Against the spread: 26-22
Survivor pool picks: 9-4
