We’re a month into the season and teams are already starting to take their fantasy-killing byes. The NFL is starting to shake itself out, which explains why there’s not a lot of movement at the top or bottom of the poll.
1. New England Patriots – (3-0) They had the week off to figure out new and exciting ways to cheat and keep this undefeated streak going. How they managed to get Tony Romo and Dez Bryant both injured before their game with the Cowboys this week tells me that Bill Belichick might have access to a time machine. That’ll be at least a game suspension for sure. Last week: No. 1
2. Green Bay Packers – (4-0) Another week, another razor-sharp Aaron Rodgers performance. This time over the hapless 49ers. We all knew the Packers’ offense would be this good, but this defense came out of nowhere. Last week: No. 2
3. Atlanta Falcons – (4-0) What a difference a new head coach makes. Dan Quinn has this team reminding me of the 1999 St. Louis Rams. That’s bad news for everybody else. Last week: No. 3
4. Denver Broncos – (4-0) You can call it winning ugly all you want, but what I see is an undefeated Peyton Manning-led Broncos team that’s winning on offense, defense and special teams. What else do you want? Last week: 4
5. Cincinnati Bengals – (4-0) The Bengals were killers again, shutting down the Chiefs and ensuring they’re already out of the playoff hunt. Now here comes the Seahawks to really show us what we can expect from Cincy this season. Last week: No. 6
6. Seattle Seahawks – (2-2) The Seahawks are slowly moving back up the list after a rough opening two games. They may take another trip down if they can’t improve their offensive line play. Russell Wilson is incredible on the move, but the idea is that he’s not supposed to be “on the move” all the time. Last week: No. 7
7. Arizona Cardinals – (3-1) A loss to the Rams isn’t bad, as St. Louis should be that good all the time. The Cardinals were in the game the whole way, with just a dropped pass from a rookie running back making the difference. None to worry, a trip to Detroit will fix everything. Last week: No. 5
8. Carolina Panthers – (4-0) The Panthers make no move either way in the poll and with the week off, they can work on getting more receivers into their offense. Cam Newton can’t do it all by himself. I mean, I say that, but really he’s been a solo act for years now so I’m probably wrong. Last week: No. 8
9. New York Jets – (3-1) What’s better than a solid cruising win in the U.K.? Making it look so good the other team’s head coach gets fired. Last week: No. 12
10. New York Giants – (2-2) This Giants team seems to be sneaking up on everybody but me. I picked them to make the playoffs and go all the way to the NFC Championship. Between this and the Joe Philbin prediction, I’m kind of on fire. Last week: No. 13
11. Buffalo Bills – (2-2) The Bills drop out of the Top 10 after getting beaten by a better team. Buffalo will accomplish a lot this year and while the Titans present a challenge, they’re one the Bills are up for. Mariota is going to be good, but he’s not Tom Brady or Eli Manning. Last week: No. 9
12. St. Louis Rams – (2-2) The frustrating issue for this Rams team is that if they played this way every week, they’d be 4-0 and right up there with the big boys. Now the Packers are coming to mess up that .500 record. This is what you get for blowing games against a Michael Vick-led Steelers team and the Redskins. Last week: No. 17
13. Minnesota Vikings – (2-2) There’s no shame in losing to the Broncos, especially in a tight contest. That loss to the 49ers in Week One though, you should still be kicking your ass for that. Last week: No. 14
14. Dallas Cowboys – (2-2) Greg Hardy is back this week and is already talking trash about Tom Brady and wondering if Gisele has a sister. With Hardy feeling romantic, no stack of AK-47s is safe. Last week: No. 10
15. Pittsburgh Steelers – (2-2) The Roethlisberger-less slide continues and now they’ve got the Chargers coming up Monday night. This offense took something like four years for Big Ben to put together. Vick never stood a chance. What’s wrong with Landry Jones? At least he might complete a pass downfield. Last week: No. 11
16. Indianapolis Colts – (2-2) Andrew Luck may still be hobbled, but they need him on the field in an early week. Picking up that second win to sit at .500 pretty much saved the season so back-up quarterback Matt Hasselbeck has already paid for himself. Now let’s never see him again. Last week: No. 15
17. Philadelphia Eagles – (1-3) That Redskins loss means one of two things; either the Eagles played down to their opponent which is no way to run a railroad or that they just aren’t good enough to beat the Redskins. Last week: No. 16
18. Houston Texans – (1-3) The Texans’ season isn’t on the line Thursday night as they have a trio of gift games coming up on the schedule (Jags, Dolphins and Titans), but beating Indianapolis, especially with a gimpy Andrew Luck, could do a lot for their playoff chances. Last week: No. 18
19. New Orleans Saints – (1-3) At this point any win for the Saints is a big win, but with a shootout in Philadelphia on the way Sunday, it’s got to be nice to have that zero off the record. Last week: No. 28
20. Baltimore Ravens – (1-3) There’s lucky, then there’s what the Ravens experienced last week against the Steelers. Josh Scobee whiffed his way out of the league and Flacco got more than oncechance to win the game in the final minutes. The Ravens’ season isn’t saved yet, but the Browns will see if they can give an assist this Sunday. Last week: No. 29
21. San Diego Chargers – (2-2) The Chargers have taken mediocrity to new, mediocre middles. This Chargers team is better than it’s been playing and if they keep it up, Mike McCoy may be able to accept that Columbus Day BBQ invite from Joe Philbin after all. Last week: No. 20
22. Oakland Raiders – (2-2) There’s no shame in a tough, fourth-quarter loss to the Bears. Oakland is suddenly a scary team to face any given week, and before the only thing scary about the Raiders was Mark Davis’ latest haircut. Last week: No. 19
23. Washington Redskins – (2-2) If the Redskins keep this up they’ll really screw up their next head coach’s draft position. Don’t be so selfish, Jay Gruden. Last week: No. 25
24. Tennessee Titans – (1-2) The Titans needed a week off to prepare for a turnover-hungry Bills defense this week. Quarterback Marcus Mariota isn’t prone to throw picks, but he’ll need something he never had to count on in college to get the Titans to an even record; a defense. Last week: No. 21
25. Kansas City Chiefs – (1-3) The Chiefs finally get a gift with the Bears coming into Arrowhead this week. The problem with this Bears team is that they’ve at least won a game in the fourth quarter. Last week: No. 22
26. Miami Dolphins – (1-3) Enjoy your time off, Joe Philbin. I can honestly say you’ve earned it. And if ESPN calls to add you to their commentary desk of failure, just let it go to voicemail. Last week: No. 23
27. Cleveland Browns – (1-3) Josh McCown wasn’t horrible in their game against the Chargers last week, but he still brought that special thing to the table only he can guarantee; a loss. Last week: No. 24
28. Jacksonville Jaguars – (1-3) The Jaguars had this week’s game against Tampa Bay circled from the minute the schedule came out. Problem is, so did the Bucs. Last week: No. 26
29. Chicago Bears – (1-3) So that’s what winning feels like. Let’s hope it catches on in the NLWC game Wednesday night. It’s nice to know that Matt Forte is still an elite back. Another team is going to enjoy adding him to their roster before the trade deadline. Last week: No. 31
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (1-3) The Bucs can win this week and lay claim as the best team in the area of Florida where no one wants to live. Last week: No. 27
31. San Francisco 49ers – (1-3) You only thought you saw Colin Kaepernick at his worst two weeks ago. Kaepernick laid a stinker so bad on Sunday, Jim Tomsula got jealous and immediately called another press conference. Last week: No. 30
32. Detroit Lions – (0-4) Hey, look on the bright side, Jim Caldwell. Somewhere out there a Fudrucker’s is going to get the greatest grillmaster it’s ever known. Last week: No. 32
