It’s time for our weekly look at coaches who should be filing for unemployment come January. There are no debuts on the Coach Ineptitude Rankings (CIR) for Week Nine of the NFL season, but we do have a few guys returning to the list after too long an absence. Welcome back, losers.
10. Rex Ryan, Buffalo Bills
Hey, Rexy. You had it pretty good there for a couple of weeks. You’d fired the only qualified coach on your staff and, against all odds, won a couple of games. Then reality set back in and you’re back on the CIR. With the Seahawks and Bengals coming up on your schedule, get comfortable. But watch where you step. Your fans have dildos lying all over.
https://twitter.com/SportsTalkJoe/status/792826101160640514
9. Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans
Of all the coaches on this list, O’Brien probably has the most job security. Not because of his coaching ability, which is pathetic. Instead it’s by virtue of playing the pathetic AFC South. With the schedule ahead of them the Texans could finish anywhere from 8-8 to 10-6 and even win the division. All while O’Brien is blowing play calls, screwing up the development of his players and managing the clock like he learned to tell time on a sun dial.
8. Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans
As good as the Titans looked last week against the Jaguars, imagine now how they could have looked all season with a different head coach. In some alternate universe Mike Shanahan or John Gruden has this team primed for a Super Bowl. Mularkey has them primed for an 8-8 season, which would really be something; the best coaching performance of his life.
This is the first time a Mike Mularkey-coached team has been .500 or better at the season's halfway point.
— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurkeNFL) October 28, 2016
7. Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts
I wasn’t a proponent of the Colts letting Pagano walk when his contract was up at the end of last season. After years of success, last year felt like a fluke and one the Colts could bounce back from. It’s looking less like that now and Indianapolis is on the hook with a four-year extension Pagano signed back in January. The Colts look like they’re headed for 7-9 at best this season and will probably stick with Pagano for at least another year.
6. Jim Caldwell, Detroit Lions
Look at you, Jim Caldwell, back where you belong in the middle of the Coach Ineptitude Rankings. Four straight wins from a coach of your inability was far too much to ask and you resoundingly didn’t deliver. Detroit is a team with real talent and stars on both sides of the ball and Caldwell continues to waste all of it.
https://twitter.com/DetroitMoments/status/792950706713919488
5. Dirk Koetter, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The offense has continued to improve since the beginning of the season, but the team continues to sputter at the end of games when clutch play and coaching is needed the most. Koetter probably has a long future as an offensive coach in the NFL, but his head coach tenure should wrap up shortly. As quick as Tampa Bay pulled the plug on Lovie Smith, you’d think Koetter could be in danger this season. I say he gets one more to waste in Tampa. Enjoy the strip club capital of America while you can, Dirk.
4. Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers
McCoy continues to do just enough to stay employed by San Diego, but this next four-game stretch will determine if McCoy makes it to the end of the season or is shitcanned after Thanksgiving. The Chargers play the Titans, the Dolphins, the Texans and the Buccaneers over the next month. That’s three games against CIR coaches and one against a former CIR coach.
https://twitter.com/BasedChasen/status/793127495721639936
3. Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers
When the sportsbooks put together their early season lines back in the summer the 49ers weren’t favored in a single game. Which means, sitting with one win (against CIR Hall of Fame coach Jeff Fisher in Week One), San Francisco has already outperformed expectations.
2. Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams
Jeff Fisher’s four-game dead man walking trek begins Sunday with a sure trouncing by the Carolina Panthers. Fisher, you will not be missed.
Give Jeff Fisher 103 more years to build this program and it juuuuuuust might pay off. https://t.co/NDQHaOGfL2
— RamsHerd (@RamsHerd) November 3, 2016
1. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars
It’s no surprise who remains No. 1 in this week’s rankings. Not only is Bradley the worst coach of the modern NFL era, he just got his team’s ass handed to him by the eighth worst coach of the modern era (Mularkey). In response to actually keeping his job this week, Bradley fired his offensive coordinator, Greg Olson, and promoted QB coach Nathaniel Hackett to the position. Hackett, if he’s lucky, will follow Olson out the door after Sunday’s ass blasting by the Chiefs.
https://twitter.com/TheBenNatan/status/792080613520117761
Recieving votes: Jay Gruden (Washington Redskins), Todd Bowles (New York Jets), Hue Jackson (Cleveland Browns), Mike McCarthy (Green Bay Packers), Marvin Lewis (Cincinnati Bengals) and John Fox (Chicago Bears)
