We’ve got six games left in the NFL regular seasons so the Power Rankings double as a potential playoff preview from here on out. The fact that there are still so many teams mathematically alive for the playoffs just proves how worthless math is in your daily life. On to the rankings.
1. Dallas Cowboys – (9-1) Tony Romo spent his first game in a decade on the bench, getting the best seat in the house to watch Dak Prescott have one of his best games of the season in carving up the Ravens. Tony is an awesome teammate and friend to Prescott, which will make it all the sweeter when Romo hoists a Lombardi Trophy as a member of the Denver Broncos next season. Last week: 1
2. Seattle Seahawks – (7-2-1) The Seahawks are peaking at the exact right time to screw up the NFC for everybody. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person on the planet that picked Seattle to win the NFC West easily and outright, so you’re welcome. Last week: 2
3. New York Giants – (7-3) The Giants continue to pile up wins and face off against the Cleveland Browns this week, which might as well be a bye. New York has won five straight and even if they stumble against the Steelers and Cowboys in December, this team could still lock down the top Wild Card spot with an 11-5 record. Last week: 3
4. Oakland Raiders – (8-2) According to the NFL’s tie breaking procedures, the Raiders would have home field advantage if the playoffs started today. If they keep it, get ready for a whole lot of “2002 Tom Brady fumble game” replays, because that rematch, this time in Oakland, is happening. Last week: 5
5. Denver Broncos – (7-3) After stealing a win with no time on the clock from the Saints, the Broncos got a week off to ponder it and prepare for the Chiefs. Denver has been a blessed (and lucky) team for two seasons, but it’s got to run out some time. Last week: 6
6. New England Patriots – (8-2) A nice win against the hapless 49ers made that home loss to Seattle all better, didn’t it? Don’t sleep on the Jets this week, though. Or do, you know. Because we all hate you. Last week: 7
7. Kansas City Chiefs – (7-3) Does the late-game loss to the Bucs signal the Chiefs are one a wane here in the latter half of the season? Or was it just an aberration? A win over the Broncos Sunday fixes everything. Last week: 4
8. Atlanta Falcons – (6-4) The Falcons Magical Mystery tour continues with a team that’s still difficult to gauge week in and week out. Knocking the Cardinals completely out of the playoff race Sunday will help us all figure things out. Last week: 8
9. Washington Redskins – (6-3-1) Welcome to the top half of the rankings, Redskins. Not only do you deserve to be here, you look like you’ll be around the Top 10 a while. Kirk Cousins is about to get his monster contract and Jay Gruden has completely extricated himself from the shit coaches list. I still, legitimately, don’t think Washington will make the playoffs, but it won’t be because they suck. They’ll just get beaten to the finish line by the Vikings, Saints or Panthers. Last week: 15
10. Miami Dolphins – (6-4) After opening the season 1-4, the Dolphins have win five straight and host the 49ers this week. So six straight. Miami is right on the cusp of the Wild Card game and with the Chiefs and Broncos playing this week, will control their own playoff destiny as long as they beat San Francisco. Which, you know, Pbfffft. Last week: 14
11. Philadelphia Eagles – (5-5) Reality is setting in for the Eagles, but a 9-7 or 8-8 finish for a team decimated by a few years of Chip Kelly is a feat all by itself, Doug Pederson. The future is bright in Philly. Last week: 9
12. Pittsburgh Steelers – (5-5) The Steelers are currently outside the playoff bracket too, but tied for the AFC North lead with the Ravens. Ben Roethlisbergerput his post-injury turd game behind him and put his annual post-injury shit game behind him win the five games out of six it would take to clinch a home field game in the Wild Card. Last week: 10
13. Houston Texans – (6-4) Speaking of turds, the Houston Texans continue to lead the AFC South. Brock Osweiler had a solid game Monday night and if he just stays that good the rest of the way, this team could be primed to make an early exit from the playoffs in the Wild Card round in front of their home fans. Fingers crossed. Last week: 12
14. Green Bay Packers – (4-6) Another week, another emphatic loss at the hands of a team that shouldn’t be able to share the same field with the Packers. How much longer are you going to let Mike McCarthy shit on this team, Green Bay? Aren’t you publicly owned? Last week: 13
Click here to see Part 2 of the Week 12 NFL Power Rankings.
