To see Part 1 of the NFL Week 13 Power Rankings, click here.
15. Buffalo Bills – (6-5) Rex Ryan continued his run against shitty teams last week, but that all grinds to a halt Sunday when the Bills face the Raiders in Oakland. Still, with Carr’s finger hurting, this could be an opportunity for the Bills to steal one. Last week: 18
16. Houston Texans – (6-5) By my accounting this will be the last week for the Texans to enjoy a winning record. Have fun, guys. Last week: 13
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (6-5) Jameis Winston continued his lifetime streak of touchdown passes and pushed his team past the Seattle Seahawks which has to be the biggest win of his NFL career. This season the Bucs have beaten both the Falcons and Seattle, making them a legitimate danger if they make the playoffs. And they won’t. They do get to move up the rankings. Last week: 25
18. Baltimore Ravens – (6-5) The Ravens, like the Giants, are a team no one wants to play in the playoffs. Unlike the Giants, the Ravens want to keep their postseason plans a mystery. They have a gauntlet of their own to run to make it, with the Dolphins, Patiots, Eagles and Steelers all coming up on the schedule. If they do make it into the bracket, they’ll be more battle-tested than any other team. Last week: 19
19. Minnesota Vikings – (6-5) Arian Peterson is reportedly running in practice and his return is ahead of schedule. You better pray that’s true. And Sam Bradford, that pass at the end of the Lions game was absolutely inexcusable. Last week: 16
20. Carolina Panthers – (4-7) The Panthers are still technically alive for the NFC playoffs. The Seahawks will fix that Sunday night. Last week: 20
21. New Orleans Saints – (5-6) If you keep playing like this, Saints, you’ll mess up all of NFL Films’ plans with HBO’s Hard Knocks in 2017 and keep rising in the rankings. Last week: 22
22. San Diego Chargers – (5-6) Mike McCoy has the Chargers right in the mix and is hovering around the bottom of the Coach Ineptitude Rankings. If he keeps this up San Diego might not have a good excuse to fire him at the end of the season and no one wants that. Not even McCoy. Last week: 27
23. Tennessee Titans – (6-6) Going into their bye week at .500 must feel like winning the Super Bowl to Mike Mularkey. That’s good. It’s the closest he’ll ever get. Last week: 24
24. Arizona Cardinals – (4-6-1) And much like a Trump-owned casino, the Cardinals continue their slide downward to disaster. Last week: 17
25. Indianapolis Colts – (5-6) The Colts continue to hang on to relevency by the hair of Andrew Luck’s chinny chin chin. They play for their season Monday night against the Jets. Last week: 23
26. Cincinnati Bengals – (3-7-1) The Super Bowl window in Cincinnati under Marv Lewis has officially slammed shut. He’s been a hard-luck coach in his time there, but it’s time to hand over the keys to someone else. Last week: 20
27. New York Jets – (3-8) You were so close to beating the Patriots before Ryan Fitzpatrick Fitzed all over himself. Time to lay down for the rest of the year. You’ve earned the right to tank your season for draft picks.. Last week: 28
28. Los Angeles Rams – (4-7) With his 163rd head coaching loss Jeff Fisher is now all alone at No. 2 on the all-time head coaching list. He said himself this team was too good to finish 7-9, but under Jeff’s leadership they just might go 6-10 or worse. Last week: 26
29. Chicago Bears – (2-9) The Bears get the 49ers this week in a battle of teams so shitty it may cause a singularity at midfield birthing a new universe or cause this universe to collapse in on itself. Either way, I’m good. Last week: 29
30. Jacksonville Jaguars – (2-9) Every week Gus Bradley leads his team to a loss and every week he keeps his job. They should turn this into a Hallmark Christmas special. Last week: 30
31. San Francisco 49ers – (1-10) Look at Colin Kaepernick, playing just well enough to keep losing. Must feel like old times in San Fran. Last week: 31
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-12) Finally the Browns get a bye. Rest up, Cleveland because you’re four games away from infamy. Last week: 32
