Thanksgiving has come and gone and yet here we are, still talking counting down 10 coaches in our ineptitude rankings and not a single man either fired, or told he will be fired at the end of the season. It’s downright unconscionable. Firing a coach in the season is always a big deal, but as an ownership move it signals to your fans that you see the problem and you’re pledging to fix it. It’s a signal to your players that the sacrifices they put their bodies and families through are not in vain. And it’s a signal to the shitty coach that you fired that he sucks. Most of these guys legitimately don’t know it. The fact is, the further you get up the Coach Ineptitude List the more likely the guy in question not only doesn’t realize he’s terrible, he actually thinks he’s awesome. It’s a sickness.
A couple of notes here. Congratulations are in order to two of our early-season mainstays; Jim Caldwell and Jay Gruden. Not only are both guys off the list, Gruden hasn’t even been receiving votes in weeks. Caldwell is off that list this week too and, in comparison to their shitty coach peers, neither guy should return. If I owned a team would I hire either of these guys to run it? Hell no. But they’re good enough to get off the list and stay off it and nobody, maybe not even Jim and Jay, saw that coming.
10. Mike Zimmer, Minnesota Vikings
After weeks of receiving votes, Zimmer finally makes his first appearance on the CIR. He’s run off one offensive coordinator (Norv Turner) and hired the worst possible replacement (Pat Shurmer), so that warrants a spot on the list alone. Who calls that pass (or throws it, frankly) at the end of the Lions game on Thanksgiving.
Vikings now 1-5 since Mike Zimmer psychotically murdered a bunch of stuffed animals to "motivate" his undefeated team
— Jacson A. Bevens 😮💨 (@JacsonBevens) November 24, 2016
9. Todd Bowles, New York Jets
You’ve earned a solid spot here, Todd. A win this week over the Patriots not only gets you a week off the list, but could spur your team on to barely miss the playoffs again. Fingers crossed.
8. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals
Don’t look at this as an improvement over your No. 6 ranking last week, Marv. Look at it like the other coaches just outperformed you in abject shittiness. So, you know, bright side.
It's like there's a competition between Marvin Lewis and Mike Nugent to see who can consistently not get it done and still have a job
— Austin Eldridge (@bigfootscotty) November 20, 2016
7. John Fox, Chicago Bears
Starting quarterback No. 4 this week, John. That usually works out well.
6. Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans
Welcome back, you beautiful bastard. How did you like that week off the list? Did you lose weight? You look good.
5. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers
After being thoroughly out-coached by Mike Mularkey, McCarthy then watched a Jay Gruden gameplan carve up his defense. How much evidence do you need to pull the plug, Packers?
MM and company have been out coached by Chuck Pagano, Mike Mularkey and Jay Gruden the last three weeks. Yikes. #NotMyCoach
— Dan Turczynski (@DanTurczynski) November 21, 2016
4. Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams
I wanted to move Jeff Fisher up the list this week, but the guys ahead of him, and their horrible coaching, made it impossible.
3. Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns
If Jackson had hung around Cincinnati one more year, he’d probably be the Bengals’ head coach in 2017. So at least take solace in that, Cincy fans.
Hue Jackson says Joe Thomas and Joe Haden will have good times in Cleveland. "I promise you that." Also says Browns be among "elite" teams.
— Jordan Raanan (@JordanRaanan) November 23, 2016
2. Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers
As bad a coach as I thought Chip Kelly was in Philadelphia, he’s surpassed even my expectations in San Francisco. And I laughed out loud when they hired him. So, you know, they weren’t high.
1. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars
Another week, another loss and no end in sight. Bradley is the worst coach of the modern NFL era and it’s not even a contest. His winning percentage of .241 is better than only Bert Bell (.179) in NFL history and Bell coached the Eagles from 1936-1941 with a roster, it’s safe to say, probably took a hit from World War II. He also owned the team at the time.
https://twitter.com/HankJoness/status/802390311897071616
Fun fact: Bell didn’t actually even want to coach the Eagles. He’d just became sole owner of the team and was forced to coach to save money as the Eagles, at the time, were a money pit. They’d just been in the league since 1933. Teams were on their own then in acquiring players and it was Bell, in an effort to help his own team be more competitive, who created the idea of the college football draft. So while Bell may have a shitty record as a coach, by helping institute the NFL draft he left a lasting positive legacy on the sport. Meanwhile in Jacksonville, Gus Bradley is currently trapped in a restroom stall because the lock stuck. Oh, and now he’s fallen over backwards into the toilet.
Receiving votes: Rex Ryan (Buffalo Bills), Mike McCoy (San Diego Chargers), Chuck Pagano (Indianapolis Colts)
