We took a week off the Coach Ineptitude Rankings and lo and behold, we had our first casualty of the season. Jeffery Turdsworth Fisher. As promised, we will only count down nine coaches this week. Fingers crossed Buffalo Bills fans, we’ll be counting down eight coaches next week. We’ll also be tracking the chances of each loser on the list of actually being unemployed at the end of the season. For some of you, it’s the only thing you have left to look forward to.
On to the list!
9. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati Bengals
Lewis can get off the list with the a nut-punching victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers this Sunday and likely keep himself a job in Cincinnati. Nobody really believes either of those things are going to happen. The good news for Lewis is that his problems with the Bengals are probably just divorce-y issues that both parties will be better off once the consciously uncouple. I have no doubt Marvin Lewis will be a head coach next season if he wants to be one. I just don’t have a lot of confidence it will be in Cincinnati. Chance of getting fired: 60 percent
8. Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans
O’Brien accidentally stumbled back into the playoff hunt thanks to the worst fourth down call from Chuck Pagano since the last fourth down call from Chuck Pagano. The fear here for Texans fans, who have a solid team, is that O’Brien will be back to screw everything up again next season. Chance of getting fired: 30 percent
7. Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts
When asked about the shitty fourth-down call with 1:24 left in the Texans game this week, Pagano said, “I liked it. I liked it. You guys all think it was a screen and there’s more to it… We had a great call on.” That alone should be reason enough to fire him. Chance of getting fired: 80 percent
6. John Fox, Chicago Bears
The Bears are in full rebuild mode now and will likely shed any big contracts they can that don’t come with too big a hit. That means obviously Jay Cutler is gone, but don’t be surprised to see Pernell McPhee, Lamar Houston, Josh Sitton and Bobby Massie all hit the bricks. And you can forget re-signing Alshon Jeffery. Will Fox survive to purge to lead the rebuild? Chance of getting fired: 40 percent
5. Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers
The Chargers are one more loss away from finishing with a losing record for the second consecutive year and third time since 2012. Yes, there’s been some improvement over last year’s 4-12 team, but there are too many good coaches out there to hire and too many reasons to fire McCoy. Chance of getting fired: 90 percent
4. Rex Ryan, Buffalo Bills
At this point there’s nothing that can keep Rex Ryan from getting fired at the end of the season. The only question remaining is if he’ll get there. A loss to Cleveland this Sunday (fingers crossed) and that question gets answered Monday morning. Chance of getting fired: 100 percent
3. Hue Jackson, Cleveland Browns
Jackson’s old team wasn’t accommodating for a win last week, but the entire NFL nation is rooting for the Browns Sunday against the Bills, including Bills fans. Chance of getting fired: 20 percent
2. Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers
Each year since Kelly entered the NFL, as defensive coordinators solve more and more aspects of his gimmick offense, his teams do worse. It’ll be hard to beat this year’s since win, but Kelly is game if the 49ers are. Chance of getting fired: 30 percent
1. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars
I think I’ve figured out Shad Khan’s plan with Bradley and it’s kind of genius. In the NFL, teams just don’t tank on purpose. But that doesn’t mean an owner can’t will them to tank by refusing to fire the worst head coach in NFL history. Chance of getting fired: 100 percent
Receiving votes: Todd Bowles, New York Jets, Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans, Mike McCarthy, Green Bay Packers
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