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Coach Ineptitude Rankings: Week Five

Guys are jumping each others like checkers in this week’s Coach Ineptitude Rankings, each looking to be crowned the worst coach in the league. We’ve got a real horse race this season to the unemployment line. Let’s see where we stack up this week.

10. Jeff Fisher, Los Angeles Rams

I said in last week’s rankings that Jeff Fisher will always have a place here. That might be true, but if the Rams (3-1) are able to pull off what should be a relatively easy home win over an overmatched Bills squad (coached by fellow shit coach Rex Ryan), Fisher will get a reprieve from the list he’s lived on since 2009. I’m almost rooting for him.

9. Chuck Pagano, Indianapolis Colts

Pagano took his team across the Atlantic Ocean to represent NFL football in the UK and all he got for his effort is a spot back on this list. Don’t worry, Chuck. John Fox and the Bears come to Indy for the rescue Sunday.

8. Rex Ryan, Buffalo Bills

You can look at Sunday’s trip to Los Angeles as a bowl game, Rex. We’ll call it the Toilet Bowl and whichever coach can get his team the victory gets at least a week off the crap coaches list. Godspeed.

7. John Fox, Chicago Bears

Fox has made it clear Jay Cutler may not get the starting job back over Brian Hoyer when he’s healthy. You know who hates to hear that? Brian Hoyer. Fox has a shot to move closer to his escape from this list with a win over Pagano’s Colts Sunday. It’s amazing how many games these shitty coaches play against each other.

6. Dirk Koetter, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Koetter in his first season at the helm of an NFL team is really making a case for the worst coach in the league and with Mularkey and Bradley still employed, that’s quite a feat. Koetter makes up for his lack of game preparation with horrible gameday coaching and playcalling.

5. Chip Kelly, San Francisco 49ers

Listen, Chip. I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, since you already do it so terribly, but Blaine Gabbert looks a whole lot like Blaine Gabbert to me. Now, that doesn’t mean I like Colin Kaepernick or think he’s a good quarterback. Lets not talk crazy. But there’s no way in hell that Kaepernick wouldn’t be better than Gabbert at this point. But you keep doing you, Chip. It’s why you’re on the list.

4. Jim Caldwell, Detroit Lions

We’re in the money section now, with guys who could be shitcanned at any moment. Without Peyton Manning, Caldwell has one winning season as a head coach and a record of 21-31. How he got this Lions team to 11-5 his first season is the great mystery of our time.

3. Gus Bradley, Jacksonville Jaguars

Congratulations, Gus, on a couple of achievements. First, this is your first week out of the top spot of the shit coach rankings, so kudos for that. The other congrats comes for his 13th victory as an NFL head coach. It only took 52 games to get there and along the way, Bradley has the worst winning percentage (.250) of the modern NFL era.

2. Mike McCoy, San Diego Chargers

No matter their lead, the time left in the game or the total overall score, this Chargers team somehow finds away to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. My preseason Bold Prediction was for McCoy to NOT be the first head coach fired. He makes it tougher to believe it every week.

1. Mike Mularkey, Tennessee Titans

I know the stats don’t lie, Mularkey. Your .311 career winning percentage and 19-42 record makes Bradley the worst coach of this era and you No. 2, but I know what I see when a Mike Mularkey team takes the field. The worst coached team in the league, if not of all time. Your talent, Mr. Mularkey, speaks for itself.

Receiving votes: Bill O’Brien, Houston Texans, Adam Gase, Miami Dolphins, Jay Gruden, Washington Redskins, Ben McAdoo, New Y

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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