If you had WGN on your cable television package in the 1980s, not only did you get to watch the Chicago Cubs win a couple of National League East pennants with Andre Dawson and Ryne Sandberg, but you also got to know a guy named Gabe Kaplan, playing the title character in a sitcom called Welcome Back, Kotter. Before the afternoon you first clapped eyes on that sitcom, probably sometime around 1987, you had no idea it ever existed. “Was that John Travolta?” you’d asked yourself over your bowl of Chef Boyardee ravioli. Yes it was John Travolta. You had no idea who any of the rest of the cast was and maybe still don’t.
What’s important to know, if you’ve never seen it, is that the eponymous Mr. Gabe Kotter (played by Kaplan) was the ringleader of a band of high school misfits, halfwits and remedial losers affectionately called “The Sweathogs,” of which John Travolta was one. The Sweathogs were lovable, comical and would occasionally try hard enough to just barely not fail completely.
So who are The Sweathogs of this year’s draft?
Put your hand down, Horshack. I’ve got this.
New Orleans Saints
The haul: Andrus Peat (OT, Stanford, round one), Stephone Anthony (ILB, Clemson, round one), Hau’oli Kikaha (OLB, Washington, round two), Garrett Grayson (QB, Colorado State, round three), P.J. Williams (CB, Florida State, round three), Davis Tull (OLB, Tennessee-Chattanooga, round five), Tyeler Davison (DT, Fresno State, round five), Damian Swann (CB, Georgia, round five) and Marcus Murphy (RB, Missouri, round seven)
The Peat pick was solid and Garrett Grayson in the third round shows that the Saints are serious about not sucking down the road. The biggest problem is Stephone Anthony with their second pick in round one, a selection no one on the planet saw coming, even Anthony, who was filling out a job application at his local Captain D’s at the time.
Grade: C+
Pittsburgh Steelers
The haul: Bud Dupree (OLB, Kentucky, round one), Senquez Golson (CB, Missouri, round two), Sammie Coates (WR, Auburn, round three), Doran Grant (CB, Ohio State, round four), Jesse James (TE, Penn State, round five), Leterrius Walton (DT, Central Michigan, round six), Anthony Chickillo (DE, Miami, round six) and Gerold Holliman (FS, Louisville, round seven)
Getting a rushing outside linebacker early was a must for the Steelers and Bud Dupree fell right in their laps. Golson as their round two pick doesn’t make much sense unless they want him to take a magic ring to Mordor, I don’t see how he’s going to match up to the outside wideouts in this league and if he’s just a slot guy, then the second round is way to high to grab him. Their best late pick was Gerod Holliman from Louisville, who at least can look the tight ends that he’ll be tracking down in the eye. Coates is one of those perfect Steelers mid-round wideout picks that end up turning into a Mike Wallace or Antonio Brown.
Grade: C+
Denver Broncos
The haul: Shane Ray (DE, Missouri, round one), Ty Sambrailo (OT, Colorado State), Jeff Heuerman (TE, Ohio State, round three), Max Garcia (C, Florida, round four), Lorenzo Doss (CB, Tulane, round five), Darius Kilgo (NT, Maryland, round six), Trevor Siemian (QB, Northwestern, round seven), Taurean Nixon (CB, Tulane) and Josh Furman (CB, Oklahoma State, round seven)
The Broncos were way more enamored with Shane Ray than they should have been, but at least he was a legitimate first round pick. Sambrialo is a local kid so you hope they had a better scout on him than all the guys who say he’s not strong enough in the upper body. That seventh-round quarterback looks like a wasted pick. I like the size of the two corners they picked up late. Losing Heuerman to an ACL tear is tough, but he’ll be back next year and that’s when they really need him anyway.
Grade: C
Kansas City Chiefs
The haul: Marcus Peters (CB, Washington, round one), Mitch Morse (OG, Missouri, round two), Chris Conley (WR, Georgia, round three), Steven Nelson (CB, Oregon State, round three), Ramik Wilson (ILB, Georgia, round four), D.J. Alexander (OLB, Oregon State, round five), James O’Shaughnessy (TE, Illinois State, round five), Rakeem Nunez-Roches (DT, Southern Miss, round six) and Da’Ron Brown (WR, Northern Illinois, round seven)
The Peters pick isn’t terrible, but it’s a gamble because of his off-the-field issues. Mitch Morse was a tackle at Missouri, but will play guard for the Chiefs. I like the Conley pick and my gut feeling is he’ll be the break-out star of this draft for the Chiefs. After that, this draft falls off fast. Alexander is a long term project at best and Da’Ron Brown will be lucky to be on the team once training camp ends.
Grade: C-
Detroit Lions
The haul: Laken Tomlinson (OG, Duke, round one), Ameer Abdullah (RB, Nebraska, round two), Alex Carter (CB, Stanford, round three), Gabe Wright (DT, Auburn, round four), Michael Burton (FB, Rutgers, round five), Quandre Diggs (CB, Texas, round six) and Corey Robinson (OT, South Carolina, round seven)
The crazy thing about the Lions’ draft is, if you were to flip their first and second round picks, no one would complain. Abdullah was a brilliant grab in the second round, but Tomlinson didn’t have a first-round grade anywhere that I saw. The Lions had gaping holes on their defensive line and picked up Gabe Wright to fill that spot later, who did absolutely nothing while he was at Auburn. And a fullback? You don’t pick a fullback in the draft. Did they think another team was going to swoop in and steal away that hot fullback from Rutgers? I do like the Alex Carter pick. This draft probably isn’t a disaster, but it wasn’t a shining moment either.
Grade: C
San Francisco 49ers
The haul: Arik Armstead (DT, Oregon, round one), Jaquiski Tartt (SS, Samford, round two), Eli Harold (OLB, Virginia, round three), Blake Bell (TE, Oklahoma, round four), Mike Davis (RB, South Carolina, round four), DeAndre Smelter (WR, Georgia Tech, round four), Bradley Pinion (P, Clemson, round five), Ian Silberman (OG, Florida, round seven) and Rory Anderson (TE, South Carolina, round seven)
The 49ers could have traded down 10 spots and still drafted Armstead. Tartt was a name I hadn’t seemed even mentioned in any potential draft scenario until the 49ers turned in his card. I’m still not sure their draft desk guy didn’t just have a seizure and write down some random consonants. Harold is a decent pick in round three, especially since they’ve lost every linebacker on the roster to retirement. The fact that they just picked one LB in this draft is crazy, but that’s “The Braintrust” for you
Grade: C-
Fun fact: Gabe Kaplan left comedy for a while to become one of the best professional poker players in the world. He’s currently back into standup and doing commentary on poker tournaments for NBC, CBS and the Gameshow Network.
