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Fisher Extension Predicted in Revelations 7:9

Will this nightmare really continue?

“And he said, come and see. And I saw. And lo, rising from the toilet I saw its head, mustachioed and sunken, with the body of a troll doll and the heart of an ostrich, the Turd Coach Fisher. And the Turd Coach was given a mouth under its mustache to utter proud words and blasphemes, so whoever has ears, let them hear. ‘I’m not f-cking going 7-and-9, or 8-and-8, or 9-and-7 or 10-and-6 for that matter. This team’s too talented. I’m not going to settle for that. I know what I’m doing.'”

                                                                                                                                                 -Revelations 7:9

Back in September when Los Angeles Rams defensive tackle Michael Brockers signed a three-year extension, there were rumors that the team would announce an extension for head coach Jeff Fisher at the same time. There was just one problem. Fisher, who had declared his team should, at the very least finish the season at 11-5, had suffered a horrible 28-0 loss at the hands of the San Francisco 49ers, one of the two worst teams in football. A loss that continues to look even worse two months later.

So the rumor and the announcement went away. Even when the Rams won their next three games, the murmur had gone away and it left us, in the media and fandom, a sense of relief that at least Fisher would have to play for pay this season. He would have to produce a winner to get his extension.

We were fools.

It turns out the rumors were true. Fisher and the Rams had come to an agreement on a two-year extension in the offseason. And the Rams, the team, decided to keep it a secret. They too, rightly, believed this Rams roster was too good to finish 7-9. They underestimated the shittiness of Jeff Fisher to get that job done and maybe more. At this point, it would take finishing out the season 3-1 against the Falcons, the Seahawks, the 49ers and the Cardinals to do it. Anyone want to bet that’s going to happen?

After the entire NFL Nation collectively shit itself at the news, the Rams reluctantly acknowledged the deal. Which means two things. 1. Fisher and his camp leaked it and 2. the Rams and Fisher can (and should) still part ways at the end of this season.

I’ll explain.

First off, the Rams didn’t announce the deal because Fisher has been rightly eaten alive by fans and the media as his team continues to underperform week and after week. They 7-and-9 bullshit quote haunting him every step of the way, the Los Angeles and national media (including me) have been calling for his head nonstop. Fisher, with his loss Sunday to the Patriots, now has 164 for his career, one away from tying the all-time record for losingest coach. He’ll tie that record next Sunday. The Sunday after, he’ll own it outright.

Fisher is a guy that absolutely adores the smell of his own farts. You can see it in every press conference. Every smug quote. He never takes the blame for a loss, always finding some other person, or factor or force of nature responsible. For a guy like that, surrounded in a cloud of his own effluvium, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Eric Dickerson, God bless him, finally sent him over the edge.

Last week Dickerson revealed that Fisher had banned him from the sidelines for being critical of him and his coaching staff. Fisher then confirmed the conversation and the denial of passes, without outright calling it a ban. Rams VP Kevin Demoff denied the ban entirely, which you would think would put him at odds with his coach. We’ll get back to that.

Facing so much bad press that it had somehow gotten through his protective fart cloud, Fisher leaked his extension to show all of us his job was safe. The Rams made it clear Sunday that it isn’t.

So why was Fisher extended in the first place. The answer is simple, his agent Marvin Demoff. Marvin just so happens to be Kevin Demoff’s dad and the father convinced the son that moving to Los Angeles with a lame duck coach would be a bad idea. Kevin, proving he shouldn’t be running an NFL team at all, apparently agreed under pressure from his dad and made the deal.

While his dad was counting his 15-20 percent on that, Kevin at least gave the Rams an out. They can void the second year, which means if the Rams fire Fisher this offseason they’ll just have to pay him a single year. Kevin fixed it so the team could still part ways with Fisher easily. Yes, it’s as dumb as it sounds but this is the man Stan Kroenke has let run his team. Some would say (OK, all of us would say) into the ground.

If anything, by leaking the extension Jeff Fisher has made it more likely he gets fired at the end of the season. The Rams did not want this. Kevin Demoff didn’t want the feud with Dickerson and he sure as hell didn’t want the league to know he was pushed into an extension by his dad. The entire universe responded to the Fisher extension news with abject horror and mockery. It is now the No. 1 reason aliens refuse to contact us. Kroenke is trying to build a franchise for the Los Angeles market and Fisher is doing everything he can to kill it in its crib.

If the Rams want a happy fanbase. If they want to sell out tickets and continue to be the third most valuable franchise in the league, there’s only one choice to make. And frankly, at this point, it’s worth paying $7 million to get it done. Fire Jeff Fisher.

To wager on this week’s games go to the world famous Diamond Sportsbook by clicking here.

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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