As an NFL head coach, the Los Angeles Rams’ Jeff Fisher makes an excellent general manager. While I may not trust Fisher to make the final calls on all the training camp cuts, but his drafts and player acquisition moves have been good. He’s built a high-quality roster, the best the Rams have had since the Kurt Warner – Marshall Faulk Greatest Show on Turf days.
But all that’s done is underscore Fisher’s weakness as a coach.
If you hand this roster to Mike Shanahan (which owner Stan Kroenke should absolutely do next season), the Rams make the playoffs every year. If Pete Carroll coaches this team they win the next 10 NFC West titles. Fisher is the problem.
When @kendricklamar & @ScHoolBoyQ show up to @RamsNFL practice! 🙌 #HardKnocks https://t.co/QMOcrVKydA
— NFL (@NFL) August 10, 2016
Which makes his signature moment (outside of cutting Deon Long for trying to get laid) on the premier episode of HBO’s Hard Knocks so laugh out loud funny.
Fisher is addressing the team on two things. First, his cutting of Long for trying to sneak a woman into his dorm room and secondly, admonishing wide receiver Tavon Austin for cramping up in practice because he didn’t eat lunch. Instead he ate two bananas. So here is what Fisher said.
“I am not f–king going 7-9 or 8-8 or 9-7, OK?” Fisher barked out to his team. “Or 10-6 for that matter. This team’s too talented. I’m not going to settle for that. I know what I’m doing. We had 7-9 bullsh-t this morning. Deon’s hone. That is 7-9 bullsh-t. We don’t need it. You guys take ownership of this thing, OK? You take your ownership and you trust that I know what I’m doing and we’ll be just fine.”
See? Hilarious. Because Jeff Fisher hasn’t proven even once over the last four seasons that he has the slightest clue what he’s doing coaching and preparing his team for an NFL game day. Jeff Fisher is the embodiment of 7-9 bullsh-t. He’s a pile of 7-9 bullsh-t that a wicked witch brought to life.
Here are the records of the last six teams Jeff Fisher has coached:
2009 Tennessee Titans: 8-8
2010 Titans: 6-10
2012 St. Louis Rams: 7-8-1
2013 Rams: 7-9
2014 Rams: 6-10
2015 Rams: 7-9
In Fisher’s 22 seasons as an NFL head coach he’s coached a team to a winning record exactly six times. That means 16 times his teams didn’t make it past 8-8. In 10 of those 16 seasons the teams didn’t even make it to 8-8. In fact, the last winning team Fisher coached was the 2008 Tennessee Titans who went 13-3 but were immediately knocked out of the playoffs by the Baltimore Ravens. It was the third time a Fisher-coached playoff team was one-and-done in the postseason. That’s literally half of his teams’ six playoff appearances. Some real 7-9 bullsh-t.
"It looks like he's been playing since… forever!"@AaronDonald97. @RamsNFL. Ping pong! 😂 #HardKnocks https://t.co/B292pHaZSb
— NFL (@NFL) August 9, 2016
Fisher takes a look at his own roster and can’t believe they haven’t done better over the last few seasons. Hey, Jeff. Join the effing club.
If Fisher doesn’t think 7-9 or even 10-6 is good enough, then there shouldn’t be too much whining when Kroenke pulls the trigger and sends him packing to an analyst job on the NFL Network next season.
Fisher should be a real asset to the NFL Network team as the Rams, coached by Shanahan or Mike Martz or even Josh McDaniels, waltz right into the playoffs with the players he hand-picked for the team.
Jared Goff delivers a knuckle sandwich
I know you think I’m going to write about Rams backup center and tank top enthusiast Erick Kush telling Goff to get his hand up inside his asshole on the snap and you’re not going to be disappointed. My favorite part of the whole exchange was Rams QB coach Chris Weinke (who seems like a tool) warning Kush what was coming after the two men fumbled about a hundred snaps.
“He (Goff) is going to stick his knuckle in your asshole!” Weinke shouts.
And Kush responds, “That’s what I told him! (To Goff) Get in there!”
When Goff does knuckle up, he evidently touched a part of Kush’s soul because Weinke immediately says to Goff, “Let him feel it.” then, watching his rookie quarterback massage Kush’s prostate, Weinke says, “That’s a little deep.”
If you didn’t laugh when that happened, there’s just no way we could be friends.
#HARDKNOCKS NOW:@JaredGoff16 and the @RamsNFL enter the Coliseum for the first time! 🙌
(via @NFLFILMS) https://t.co/rA7oNgMFpP— NFL (@NFL) August 6, 2016
