Click here for Part 1 of the NFL Power Rankings.
17. Buffalo Bills – (3-2) Congratulations, Rex Ryan. In the battle of shitty coaches with Jeff Fisher you were the less shitty coach. Kudos. Last week: 22
18. New York Giants – (2-3) After a strong start this team is going down the drain faster than an ounce of cocaine at Charlie Sheen’s house when the cops bust in to rescue his kids. Ben McAdoo needs to do more than look like a professional men’s wig model. He needs to coach up this offense. It’s why he got the job. Last week: 14
19. Arizona Cardinals – (2-3) Don’t be fooled when you deliver a beat-down to a woeful Jets team next Monday night, Cardinals. You’re still not going to make the playoffs. Last week: 16
20. Kansas City Chiefs – (2-2) The Chiefs had an entire bye week to think about the American History X shower scene reenactment they were victimized by two weeks ago. If Kansas City is going to bounce back, it’ll need to happen against a good Raiders squad. Last week: 18
21. Indianapolis Colts – (2-3) The Colts have been a disaster this season, but winning can fix everything and a win Sunday over the Texans puts Indianapolis in first place in the AFC South, the worst division in football. Last week: 23
22. New Orleans Saints – (1-3) The Saints got an extra week to prepare for Cam Newton’s return to the field. They could unveil their best defensive performance of the season and still give up 40 points. Last week: 24
23. New York Jets – (1-4) Tuesday Jets wideout Brandon Marshall was dominated by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell in a game of ping pong. That sounds about right. Last week: 20
24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (2-3) A big win over a Cam Newton-less Panthers team on Monday night should not be scoffed at. This Bucs team usually finds ways to lose games like that. And the confidence their rookie kicker got from hitting the game winner could pay off in the long run. Last week: 21
25. Jacksonville Jaguars – (1-3) With the Bears showing up on the schedule at the right time, could Gus Bradley pick up his 14th head coaching win of his career? In his 53rd game as a head coach? Last week: 25
26. Tennessee Titans – (2-3) Listen, Mike Mularkey, we’ve made peace, you and I. You don’t have the worst head coaching record of your era, but I still think we can throw out the record books and admit that, really, you are the worst coach. Probably of all time. So conrgats. Last week: 31
27. Miami Dolphins – (1-4) Adam Gase and the Dolphins doubled down on their shitty season by cutting two offensive linemen who started in Week Five. Not smart with the Steelers coming to town. Last week: 26
28. Chicago Bears – (1-4) Brian Hoyer has surprised a lot of people with how well he’s played as Jay Cutler’s replacement, but I’ll remind all of you that Hoyer does this. With no pressure and team playing out the season, Hoyer can look almost serviceable. The minute the pressure is on, the Brian Hoyer we all remember shows up and throws seven interceptions. Last week: 27
29. Detroit Lions – (2-3) Jim Caldwell is coaching for his job every week. Luckily for him, Jeff Fisher comes to town Sunday to keep him out of the unemployment line for another seven days. Last week: 28
30. San Francisco 49ers – (1-4) Playing Colin Kaepernick this Sunday is the right decision, now that his contract isn’t a dirty bomb ready to go off and blow up your franchise. Last week: 29
31. San Diego Chargers – (1-4) Mike McCoy’s coaching ineptitude is really testing my prediction that he wouldn’t be the first coach fired this season. He really wants to prove me wrong. I’m kind of taking it personally. Last week: 30
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-5) Nobody seriously thought for a second Tom Brady wouldn’t inflate it and shove it up your ass, Browns, but you’ve still managed to not completely shut it down this season. Could Mike Mularkey’s coaching acumen be the difference between an 0-16 and 1-15 season? This is your best chance, Browns. Last week: 32
