We’ve reached the final week of the NFL season and the penultimate week of the NFL Power Rankings. Don’t shed a tear for these arbitrary and generally worthless lists. The NFL settles all this nonsense on the field and sometimes the best team doesn’t win.
Here’s how I see it for the next to last time.
1. Philadelphia Eagles – (13-2) I’ve seen plenty of these Power Rankings bump down the Eagles since Carson Wentz tore his ACL. I see no justification in doing so. Nick Foles had a great game and an OK game. Like everybody else, I think Wentz going down probably cost the Eagles a chance at the Super Bowl, but the top spot in the Power Rankings? Please. Last week: 1
2. New England Patriots – (12-3) Here’s a little secret no one is talking about with the Patriots, Tom Brady has looked like a human male over the last few weeks. He’s been good, but the elite Brady that started the season hasn’t really shown up in December. We’ll see if he makes an appearance in the playoffs. Last week: No. 2
3. Pittsburgh Steelers – (12-3) The Steelers have one final chance to steal home field advantage if the Pats do stumble. I would write something ominous about their season finale against the Browns here, but I’m not that creative. It’s Cleveland. Go do you, Pittsburgh. Last week: No. 3
4. Minnesota Vikings – (12-3) The Vikings are locked into the two seed and playing for absolutely nothing Sunday against the Bears. So go ahead and start Teddy Bridgewater and give us something worth paying attention to on New Year’s Eve. Last week: No. 4
5. Los Angeles Rams – (11-4) Rams head coach Sean McVay has publicly stated he’ll rest players when his team hosts the San Francisco 49ers Sunday. The line moved from -4 Rams to +3 within about 12 hours. Last week: No. 5
6. New Orleans Saints – (11-4) There’s no way Sean Payton and Drew Brees aren’t looking at this NFC playoff field and feeling pretty good about their Super Bowl 52 chances. I sure as hell do. Last week: No. 6
7. Carolina Panthers – (11-4) There’s a thought out there that if the Rams end up as the No. 4 seed, they might have an easier time in the following round against the Eagles. That’s true. It’s also true that they’ll have a significantly tougher contest in the Wild Card round against the Panthers. Last week: No. 7
8. Seattle Seahawks – (9-6) The Seahawks need a win in Arizona Sunday and a Falcons loss to make the playoffs. Don’t be surprised if both those things happen. Last week: No. 10
9. Kansas City Chiefs – (9-6) Speaking of resting players, head coach Andy Reid will start Patrick Mahomes Sunday against the Denver Broncos. It makes a “meaningless” game a hell of a lot more exciting. I don’t expect to see Kareem Hunt either. Last week: No.11
10. Jacksonville Jaguars – (10-5) The Jaguars are playing for nothing but pride when they host the Titans Sunday, having already locked in the No. 3 seed in the AFC. This is a team in desperate need of some pride after they got bent over a bus seat by the 49ers last week. Last week: No. 8
11. Baltimore Ravens – (9-6) The Ravens are in the driver’s seat for the fifth seed in the AFC. Baltimore hasn’t been a scary team this year, but Joe Flacco is, historically, one of the best playoff quarterbacks of his generation. It could get interesting quick. Last week: No. 14
12. Atlanta Falcons – (9-6) The Falcons must beat the Panthers, who are playing for a possible division title and home playoff game, to even make the postseason. I don’t feel confident. Last week: No. 9
13. Tennessee Titans – (8-7) The Titans have a win-and-their-in scenario ahead of them when they face off against the Jacksonville Jaguars Sunday. Mike Mularkey is still their coach, so take absolutely nothing for granted. Last week: No. 12
14. Dallas Cowboys – (8-7) Cowboys, owner Jerry Jones has given head coach Jason Garrett his vocal support. Offensive coordinator Scott Linehan may want to start pricing U-Hauls, though. Last week: No. 13
15. Buffalo Bills – (8-7) Here we are, Week 17 and the Bills are still in the playoff hunt. Sean McVay has the coach of the year award already locked up, but Sean McDermott probably deserves the silver medal. Last week: No. 15
16. Los Angeles Chargers – (8-7) The Chargers are in the playoffs with a win and a Titans loss. What an injustice for a team that hired Anthony Lynn to make it into the postseason. I’m sorry, Chargers fans, but that would stick you with this loser for at least two more seasons. Look at what’s happened in Detroit. Last week: No. 18
17. Washington Redskins – (7-8) Speaking losers, Jay Gruden’s name could be on the Black Monday pile and by Tuesday he could be moving into his new office in Cincinnati. Sorry, Bengals fans. Last week: No. 19
18. Detroit Lions – (8-7) We still have Black Monday in the vernacular, but it’s a holdover from the old media. Now, with our instant news updates we need to go with a Black Sunday Night. For instance, Jim Caldwell will be fired on Black Sunday Night. Last week: No. 16
19. Arizona Cardinals – (7-8) There have been rumors that Bruce Arians might retire at the end of the season. If he does, he’ll be the only coach actually leaving by choice. Last week: No. 21
20. Cincinnati Bengals – (6-9) That doesn’t mean that Marvin Lewis won’t “retire,” but make no mistake. He would have taken a new contract and if some team calls (they won’t), he’d take a new job. Last week: No. 24
21. San Francisco 49ers – (5-10) Yeah, this is a big jump for the 49ers over teams with better records, but no team has played better in December. They have their franchise quarterback in Jimmy Garoppolo and can now build around him. And all for the price of a second round pick. Last week: No. 26
22. Green Bay Packers – (7-8) Speaking of franchise quarterbacks, the Packers will get their own back next season. The problem is they’ll probably still pair him with the same, shitty head coach. Can you imagine what this team could do with a guy like Sean McVay at the helm? Last week: No. 17
23. Miami Dolphins – (6-9) The long season is over for Adam Gase and his team of misfit toys. Back to the booth with you, Jay Cutler. Nobdoy’s calling that cellphone again. Last week: No. 20
24. Oakland Raiders – (6-9) Jack Del Rio’s not going to be fired this off-season, but maybe he should be. Who else is to blame for this pathetic showing from a team that looked primed for a Super Bowl run? Last week: No. 22
25. Denver Broncos – (5-10) Remember when Vance Joseph was the hottest head coaching candidate out there? He’s not done in Denver, not by a long shot, but this is a huge off-season for him. John Elway would be smart to work that Eli Manning connection if he can swing it. Last week: No. 23
26. New York Jets – (5-10) If I was giving out coaching awards, and I don’t, then Todd Bowles would finish third in my Coach of the Year rankings. Five wins with this roster is absolutely incredible. Last week: No. 25
27. Chicago Bears – (5-10) John Fox recently bragged that he’s never had trouble getting a job in the NFL. Neither did Jeff Fisher. Hubris, John. Hubris. Last week: No. 27
28. Houston Texans – (4-11) I’ve been telling you for three seasons that Bill O’Brien is a shitty coach. Maybe Houston is finally going to listen. Last week: No. 28
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (4-11) If you had the under on Dirk Koetter’s coaching career, you lost. He made it to the final week of the season. Last week: No. 29
30. Indianapolis Colts – (3-12) Chuck Pagano, you, John Fox, Jeff Fisher and Rex Ryan should all get your own show on NFL Network after this season. You can dole out picks and advice so the rest of us can all go the opposite way. Last week: No. 30
31. New York Giants – (2-13) There’s been so much drama around the New York Giants defense this week you’d hardly know they were the second worst team in football. Last week: No. 31
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-15) Here it is, Browns, your chance at history. I don’t know if the 2008 Detroit Lions should be bummed if you pull off 0-16 or celebrate that some other team will join them as the worst in the history of the NFL. Last week: No. 32
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