After a crazy Week Three of the NFL season, we have the most movement yet in our Power Rankings. Teams off to hot September starts must be rewarded and those that have stumbled into the fall must be punished severely like they’re in an Eli Roth movie.
Let’s make this dream real.
1. Atlanta Falcons – (3-0) The Falcons survived a last second scare from the Detroit Lions on the road. This week’s game against the Bills at Mercedes-Benz Stadium shouldn’t be nearly as frightening. Last week: No. 1
2. Kansas City Chiefs – (3-0) The Chiefs join Atlanta as our only two undefeated teams just three weeks into the season. They have a surprisingly tough match up Monday night against the Washington Redskins to stay that way. Last week: No. 4
3. Dallas Cowboys – (2-1) The Cowboys dismantled an overrated Arizona Cardinals team on Monday night. Now they host the resurgent Los Angeles Rams and one of the best offenses in the league Sunday. Last week: No. 5
4. Green Bay Packers – (2-1) Aaron Rodgers led the Packers to a come from behind victory over the winless Bengals last week, but no one can feel good about how this Green Bay defense has looked since Week One. Last week: No. 6
5. New England Patriots – (2-1) Only some last minute heroics from Tom Brady and Brandin Cooks saved the Patriots from a 1-2 start. It turns out the first half of the Super Bowl wasn’t a fluke. Last week: No. 7
6. Pittsburgh Steelers – (2-1) The Bears, Steelers? Really? And you had to come back in the fourth quarter just to send it to overtime. You ruined a lot of survivor pools Sunday. Last week: No. 2
7. Washington Redskins – (2-1) Suddenly Jay Gruden looks very safe in his job and, unfortunately for the Redskins’ bank account, so does Kirk Cousins. Last week: No. 17
8. Oakland Raiders – (2-1) We can call Sunday night’s debacle in our nation’s capital a mullgan if you don’t repeat it in Denver Sunday afternoon. Last week: No. 3
9. Denver Broncos – (2-0) Trevor Siemian on the road looked a whole lot like the Trevor Siemian I expected to see all season. He’s back at home this week. Last week: No. 8
10. Minnesota Vikings – (1-1) We’ve replaced your usual Case Keenum with Dan Marino in his prime. Let’s see if anyone notices. Last week: No. 13
11. Los Angeles Rams – (2-1) Jared Goff and Sean McVay have the offense humming, putting up numbers not seen since the Greatest Show on Turf. But, hey, where’s the defense? Last week: No. 20
12. Tennessee Titans – (2-1) Mike Mularkey just won two consecutive games and this one was a quality victory over the Seattle Seahawks. Can he make it three in a row? Last week: No. 14
13. Detroit Lions – (2-1) You were a foot short of pulling off the upset of the week, Lions. It won’t get any easier against a Vikings team that found its offense. Last week: No. 12
14. Seattle Seahawks – (1-2) What the hell, Seahawks? Are you trying to ruin my picks on purpose? Is this just an aberration of a start for Seattle or is this who they are this season? Last week: No. 9
15. Philadelphia Eagles – (2-1)That was a quality, last minute victory Sunday over a division opponent to keep them winless. Now can you do the same to the Los Angeles Chargers on the road? Last week: No. 18
16. Baltimore Ravens – (2-1) That was no way to start my Sunday morning, Ravens. Never leave the country again. Last week: No. 15
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (1-1) Not only did you make Case Keenum look like Aaron Rodgers, you made yourselves look like the 1974 Buccaneers. Last week: No. 10
18. Miami Dolphins – (1-1) You should be a ashamed of your performance Sunday. Not only did you lose to the New York Jets, but you screwed up their tanking plan by sucking so hard. Dude. Last week: No. 11
19. Carolina Panthers – (2-1) Speaking of sucking, Cam Newton is the first quarterback to not light up the Saints defense this season. Newton tossed three interceptions and made the worst unit in football look, well, adequate. Last week: No. 16
20. Buffalo Bills – (2-1) Nobody believed the Bills would beat the Broncos last week. It’s been four days and I still had to check twice. Last week: No. 23
21. Jacksonville Jaguars – (2-1) The Jaguars are 2-1. In their two victories they held their opponents to a total of 14 points. Those are real, truthful words I just wrote. Last week: No. 24
22. New Orleans Saints – (1-2) I don’t believe for a minute this defense is fixed, but winning in Miami on the road might start to convince me. Last week: No. 25
23. Arizona Cardinals – (1-2) Carson Palmer put up plenty of worthless numbers Monday night, but, as losers do, still managed to lose the game. Last week: No. 19
24. Houston Texans – (1-2) Deshaun Watson has solidified his position as the team’s quarterback for the next decade already. Next year these close losses will turn into wins. Last week: No. 22
25. Chicago Bears – (1-2) Congratulations, Bears, you’re not going 0-16. I wouldn’t expect the Packers to be as generous as the Steelers Thursday night. Last week: No. 27
26. Indianapolis Colts – (1-2) Jacoby Brisett, you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him. Last week: No. 29
27. New York Jets – (1-2) Holy shit, Jets. Look at you, out of the No. 32 spot. Don’t get used to it, but, still, congratulations. Last week: No. 32
28. New York Giants – (0-3) Ben McAdoo has less wins this season than the Jets. This should be a fun week for him with the New York media. Last week: No. 21
29. Cincinnati Bengals – (0-3) That was a valiant effort early, Bengals, that turned into your normal choke job by the fourth quarter. Fear not, Cleveland is on the schedule this Sunday. Last week: No. 30
30. Los Angeles Chargers – (0-3) The Chargers just scored 10 points against the Chiefs Sunday and none in the second half. Philip Rivers threw three interceptions. Now here come the Eagles. Last week: No. 26
31. San Francisco 49ers – (0-3) Thanks to a few gifts from the Rams on special teams, the 49ers made last Thursday night’s game interesting. Can they do the same in Arizona Sunday afternoon? Last week: No. 31
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-3) Welcome back to the bottom, Browns. It was honestly weird not seeing you here. You have been missed. Last week: No. 28
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