We’ve officially passed into the second quarter of the NFL season with a lot to still be figured out. Here’s what we know; the Chiefs are really good. Here’s what else we know; the Cleveland Browns are historically bad. Everything else is up in the air so let’s figure it out together with some NFL Power Rankings.
Courage!
1. Kansas City Chiefs – (5-0) Every game that looks like a test to this Chiefs squad is just another cruise. Coming up they have the lifeless Steelers at home, at the Raiders (probably without Derek Carr) and the Broncos at home. Kansas City could roll into Dallas on Nov. 5 8-0. Last week: No. 1
2. Green Bay Packers – (4-1) Aaron Rodgers might want to invest in real estate in Arlington, Texas. He seems to do pretty well there. Last week: No. 2
3. Atlanta Falcons – (3-1) Three might be a little high for a team coming off a bad loss to the Bills, but plenty of teams shit the bed this week. Enjoy it, Falcons. Don’t screw it up with the Dolphins coming to town. Last week: No. 4
4. New England Patriots – (3-2) The Patriots face off with the Jets this week for first place in the AFC East. Are we sure that Weasel that fried the Large Hadron Collider didn’t cause us to switch universes last year? Last week: No. 6
5. Denver Broncos – (3-1) Denver has a home game frontloaded schedule that will fool everyone into thinking this team will make the playoffs. I’m not yet convinced. Last week: No. 7
6. Dallas Cowboys – (2-3) Jerry Jones has threatened to bench any player for the Cowboys that protests during the anthem. That’s what a team needs coming off two straight home shootout losses. Conflicts with ownership. Last week: No. 5
7. Seattle Seahawks – (3-2) The Seahawks got lucky when Rams wide receiver Cooper Kupp dropped the winning touchdown pass Sunday. They have new life now and are in the driver’s seat of the NFC West. Don’t screw it up. Last week: No. 11
8. Philadelphia Eagles – (4-1) A couple of years ago, a 34-7 beat down of the Cardinals would have meant something. This year, it doesn’t even make you a potential playoff team. Last week: 14
9. Carolina Panthers – (4-1) The Panthers have just won back to back serious games over playoff caliber opponents and they’ve done it without Greg Olsen. Last week: No. 15
10. Pittsburgh Steelers – (3-2) Big Ben says he may not have it anymore. I know he doesn’t. He tossed it to a Jaguars defense back last Sunday. Last week: No. 3
11. Washington Redskins – (2-2) The Redskins have been sneaky good this season, even games they’ve lost. Coming off a bye, this isn’t the time to stumble against a winless 49ers team. Last week: No. 8
12. Los Angeles Rams – (3-2) The defense has played six solid quarters of football over the last two weeks. The offense turned the ball over five times against Seattle. When the Rams put it all together, they could be deadly. Last week: No. 9
13. Detroit Lions – (3-2) No Matthew Stafford magic last week against the Panthers. No time to sulk, you’ve got a shootout coming when you travel to New Orleans Sunday. Last week: No. 10
14. Oakland Raiders – (2-3) Derek Carr will likely still be out this week, that spells bad news with the Chargers coming to town and E.J. Manuel at quarterback. Last week: No. 12
15. Minnesota Vikings – (3-2) Case Keenum came to the rescue Monday night, keeping the Vikings in the early NFC North race. Last week: No. 13
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – (2-2) That was a solid, if unspectacular effort against the Patriots Thursday, Buccaneers. But a team really on the rise would have gotten that shit done. Last week: No. 18
17. Baltimore Ravens – (3-2) All it took was a swooning Raiders squad with E.J. Manuel at quarterback for the Ravens to look like a real NFL team again. I am not fooled. Last week: No. 19
18. Buffalo Bills – (3-2) This might seem low for a Bills team that’s won three games, but an offense that can’t consistently produce points is a recipe for a long fall here in the second quarter. Prove me wrong, Buffalo. Last week: No. 16
19. Tennessee Titans – (2-3) With Marcus Mariota, a Mike Mularkey coached team looked a hell of a lot like a Mike Mularkey coached team. Last week: No. 17
20. New York Jets – (3-2) Is too low for a winning team? Maybe, but trust me on this, Jets. You beat the Patriots this week and you’ll make a huge jump. Last week: No. 23
21. Houston Texans – (2-3) Deshaun Watson may be the only bright spot left on a Texans team that will be without J.J. Watt and Whitney Mercilus for the rest of the season. Last week: No. 20
22. New Orleans Saints – (2-2) The Saints have won two straight and done it with defense, giving up just 13 points over their last two games. I still don’t think they fixed anything and think it has a lot more to do with ineffective opponents. We’ll see Sunday when the Lions come to town. Last week: No. 21
23. Indianapolis Colts – (2-3) Will Andrew Luck play this week? I don’t think so, but he’s on the horizon. You can look forward to that, I guess. Last week: No. 26
24. Arizona Cardinals – (2-3) At least you didn’t wait until the fourth quarter or overtime to lose your last game, Cardinals. Good for you. Last week: No. 22
25. Miami Dolphins – (2-2) I have no idea how to pick with this Dolphins team. Games that it looks like they should win, they barely score a point. Games they should lose, they pull out in the fourth quarter. Last week: No. 24
26. Jacksonville Jaguars – (3-2) Again, this has to feel like disrespect, considering the Jags just got a huge win in Heinz field over the Steelers., Beat the Rams Sunday and I’ll fix it. Last week: No. 25
27. Cincinnati Bengals – (2-3) Since Bill Lazor took over as offensive coordinator the Bengals are 2-1 and have scored actual touchdowns. It’s a long season. Don’t bury them just yet. Last week: No. 27
28. Los Angeles Chargers – (1-4) Congratulations on your first head coaching win, Anthony Lynn. For your prize you get a Raiders team without its star quarterback. See what you can do. Last week: No. 30
29. Chicago Bears – (1-4) Mitchell Trubisky wasn’t horrible and even thoughthe Bears lost, nobody is yelling for Mike Glennon. Trust me. Last week: No. 28
30. New York Giants – (0-5) Anthony Lynn 1, Ben McAdoo 0. Last week: No. 29
31. San Francisco 49ers – (0-5) Can you shock the Redskins Sunday, Niners? You can’t? OK, then. Last week: No. 31
32. Cleveland Browns – (0-5) Kevin Hogan gets the nod at quarterback this week. That’s now 28 different starting QBs since you returned in 1999, Browns. Not that anyone is keeping count. Last week: No. 32
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