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Russell Wilson Gets Paid; Marvin Lewis Will Coach Bengals Forever

Russell Wilson signs the contract equivalent of calling a run play with Marshawn Lynch at the one yard-line.

This time, Russell Wilson and the Seattle Seahawks made the safe call. With Friday’s new contract, Wilson becomes the second-highest paid player in the league after agreeing to a four-year contact extension that will pay him $87.6 million with $60 million guaranteed. Wilson will pocket a $31 million signing bonus the minute his signature dries.

Wilson and Ciara’s no-sex agreement might be in trouble after that one.

The deal is worth $21.9 million a season for Wilson, just a hair under Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ $22 million. The market was set a few months ago when Carolina Panthers QB Cam Newton signed a new deal that would pay him $20 million a year. There was no question Wilson would need more than that.

The contract actually works out well for both sides. Wilson gets the financial security he wanted and the Seahawks, though they’ll be paying for it in the short term, still have  some freedom with the contract’s relatively short, four-year term.

While Seahawks fans are excited to have their franchise quarterback set, not every Seahawks player was overly pumped about the deal. Linebacker Bobby Wagner, looking for his own new contract, saw the chances of getting paid by Seattle fly out the window and posted about it on Twitter.

https://twitter.com/Bwagz54/status/627131532503691265

Wagner shouldn’t worry too much. He’ll get his money as long as he stays healthy this season. But he’s probably right. It won’t be with the Seahawks.

Marvin Lewis pledges to coach Bengals until Armageddon

During their annual Weenie Roast and Mock Turtle Soupfest (and yes, that is a thing), Cincinnati Bengals coach Marvin Lewis talked about his plan to end his coaching tenure with the team right after the win the Super Bowl.

“I want to hand (Bengals owner) Mike (Brown) the (Vince Lombardi) trophy, then just walk away,” Lewis told the crowd, who had to wonder if Lewis had some inside information on Hell freezing over or if pigs had evolved the wings and hollow bones required to achieve liftoff.

The real message that Lewis delivered is clear. He will be the head coach of the Bengals until the day the Earth is swallowed up by an engorged Sun. He will coach until Texas-sized meteors bludgeon our planet from the Kuiper Belt, until SkyNet becomes self-aware, until the seventh seal is broken and the beast with the seven heads and 10 horns rises from the sea.

Lewis is entering his 12th season with the Bengals and though he’s had success in the regular season, he’s 0-6 in the playoffs and there’s no reason to believe that will change in 2016 since the team made no attempt to upgrade their biggest problem; quarterback Andy Dalton.

“We’re good enough, but we have to play good enough.” Lewis said, envisioning a world where monkeys regularly achieved flight after exiting his rectum.

Giants will add Jones to arsenal

The New York Giants were already set at wide receiver with Odell Beckham Jr., Victor Cruz and Reuben Randle but that hasn’t stopped them from trying to get even better. NFC East defenses need to get afraid in a hurry after a report that the Giants will sign former Packers and Oakland Raiders wide receiver James Jones to a one-year deal.

Jones had a career year in catches with the Raiders last season, hauling in 73 passes for 666 yards and six touchdowns. As the Packers No. 3 wideout in 2012, he caught 14 touchdown passes and that’s easily the production he could give the Giants as their No. 3 outside guy, opening up more opportunities in the slot for Cruz and keeping the defense honest in their coverage of Beckham Jr.

Steven Jackson is just what the Cowboys need

Former St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson feels like he has a 1,000-yard season left in him and now he knows exactly where he needs to be. And He’s right.

Jackson has had issues with his health over the last few seasons and didn’t hit 1,000 yards either year he spent with the Atlanta Falcons, but he can still play and be a valuable asset to to a team, especially in the passing game. Jackson has always been underrated as a blocker and a receiver. Skills the Cowboys desperately need.

The Cowboys also need bodies. Darren McFadden brings similar risks as Jackson because of his own injury issues and to count on him for 16 games is ridiculous. Why not sign Jackson as some insurance? He probably won’t cost that much and Jackson hasn’t played with an offensive line as talented as Dallas’ in a decade. He’s worth the risk.

Redskins sign Junior Galette

The Washington Redskins are a dumpster fire that has been raging for the last three seasons so it should come as no surprise to anyone that they signed former New Orleans Saints linebacker Junior Galette to a one-year contract.

Details aren’t currently available, but Washington will probably only have to pay 12 games of it since Galette likely has a suspension on the horizon. In the past year Galette was cited for domestic violence while shoving a woman out of his house and for driving without a license. A few weeks ago a video surfaced on Youtube reportedly showing Galette hitting a woman with a belt at a beach brawl.

So congratulations, Redskins. This is just the kind of press you needed to get people to stop talking about how racist your team name is.

Written by Adam Greene

Adam Greene is a writer and photographer based out of East Tennessee. His work has appeared on Cracked.com, in USA Today, the Associated Press, the Chicago Cubs Vineline Magazine, AskMen.com and many other publications.

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