In the history of temper tantrums, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is about to reach a heretofore unheard of level. The greatest sociopath to ever play quarterback in the NFL has given every indication that he will petition the United States Supreme Court to hear the case concerning the exact way he likes his balls handled by two overweight minimum-wage locker room troglodytes.
Wednesday the United States 2nd Court of Appeals rejected Brady’s DeflateGate suspension appeal with such an emphatic mic drop that they literally used just one single sentence.
“It is hereby ordered that the petition is denied,” the ruling read and that was it. Then only crickets, tumbleweeds and just the slightest whimpering sobs of a sniveling man boy in a pair of furry Ugg boots could be heard.
If you’re keeping count, and I am, this is Brady’s fifth judgement on the subject of his ordering a couple of yokels to deflate footballs in order to get a perceived competitive advantage. Brady had already lost in the 2nd court before by a 2-1 ruling from a three-judge panel that decided NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was within his power to suspend Brady for four games.
FYI – DeflateGate stopped being about Brady a few months ago. It's now about Goodell legally protecting his power to do whatever he wants.
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) July 14, 2016
In case you’re a caveman who, when out hunting on the frozen wastes of the last ice age, slipped and fell into a crevasse and was just recently discovered by scientists and thawed out and tossed into a world that frightens and confuses you DeflateGate (or sometimes referred to as Ballghazi) is the scandal in which Tom Brady was busted for trying to cheat in the dumbest way possible, by deflating the team’s regulation footballs below the legally allowed NFL minimum.
Now, officially Brady and the National Football League Player’s Association haven’t made the call on what to do next, but really there are just two options. 1. To accept the four-game suspension for cheating or 2. to petition the Supreme Court to hear the case.
The very idea that the Supreme Court would listen to even one second of a case involving the purposeful deflation of footballs is ridiculous. Still, Tom Brady and the NFLPA aren’t conceding just yet.
“We are disappointed with the decision denying a rehearing, as there were clear violations of our collective bargaining agreement by the NFL and Commissioner Roger Goodell,” the NFLPA said in a statement. “Despite today’s result, the track record of this League office when it comes to matters of player discipline is bad for our business and bad for our game. We have a broken system that must be fixed. We will review all of our options carefully on behalf of Tom Brady and all NFL players.”
Though there is no firm decision, the expectation is that #Patriots QB Tom Brady will attempt to take his case to the US Supreme Court.
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) July 13, 2016
Regardless of what Tommy Boy and the NFLPA decide to do going forward, the case is basically closed. Brady will be suspended for the first four games of the 2016-17 NFL season. They’ll play at the Arizona Cardinals on Sept. 11, host the Miami Dolphins on Sept. 18, host the Houston Texans on Sept. 22 and then host the Buffalo Bills on Oct. 2 all without Tom Terrific and his terrible, no-good fully inflated balls.
So unless the Supreme Court decides it has nothing better to do that hear Tom Brady whine about his balls, the Jimmy Garoppolo era is about to begin in New England. What’s that going to be like?
Well, nobody really knows. Garoppolo has completed 20-of-31 passes in his first two seasons in the league since being drafted in the second round out of Eastern Illinois University in 2014. He’s not even hit 200 total yards and has just one NFL touchdown to his name. His action in the upcoming preseason should be the most playing time he’s had since
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries marriage lasted 72 days. The divorce was finalized in 536 days. DeflateGate is now on Day 542.
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) July 13, 2016
But there’s a reason the Pats drafted Garoppolo so high. In his senior season at Eastern Illinois he completed 66 percent of his passes for 5,050 yards and 53 touchdowns with just nine interceptions, numbers that are insane at any level. He’s had two years to sit and learn the NFL game and if I was a Patriots fan (and I am not), I would be kind of pumped to see what Garoppolo can do. He could be this year’s Brock Osweiler and if something does end up happening to Brady, especially at 38 years old, it’ll be good to know what you have behind him. And that’s something that’s just as true today as it was in Keyrock’s time.
